One More for Love the Story: Chapter 26 - The Title

I took a moment to gather my thoughts then proceeded with caution.

“It’s about the smoking thing…” I began calmly, before Stacy cut in.

“I know it’s a nasty habit,” she said, “I plan on quitting after the deployment.”

“YES!” I thought to myself as a flood of relief poured through my body. 

“That’s great Stacy!” I said excitedly, but a small step down from the bells and whistles that were going off inside my head.  “Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.”

“I will need all the help I can get!” She said with a slight chuckle. “I know it’s going to be tough, but I’ve been meaning to do it for a long time so when I get back it will be the good time to finally quit.”

“That sounds perfect.” I replied.

As the conversation continued, Stacy and I caught up on what each other had been doing and how much of a relief it was to finally be able to openly talk about how we had both been feeling for quite some time.  The thought of discussing the conflict of me not being a Christian briefly came and went throughout the conversation, but I told myself with the smoking issue resolved that should be enough for that discussion.  Besides, the Christianity issue was her issue and not mine.  I had no problem with her being a Christian; it was she who did not want to be with someone who was a non-Christian.  And, for all I knew, her position on the whole religion topic had completely changed.  However, as much as I tried to justify my reasoning for not bringing up this topic, somehow it still came out.

“Stacy, there is another issue I think we need to discuss before our relationship can move forward.”  I asked bringing the conversation back to a serious tone.

“I think I know what it is.” She replied sounding somewhat cautious herself, “my faith?”

“Yes.” I began. “I can remember when you and I would vent to each other about our respective relationships.  Of all the things you didn’t like about Chris, one of the reasons why you stayed with him was the fact that he was a Christian.”

“Steve, this is the way I see it.  You are one of the most spiritual men I have ever met in my entire life.  You might not think so, but there is something about your soul that is internally different than any other man I’ve ever met.  I don’t want the fact that you are not a ‘Christian’ to prevent us from moving forward in our relationship so long as we can remain open about each other’s beliefs.”

That was all I needed to hear.  As the conversation concluded, I left never having felt more confident or assured in anything as I was that Stacy and I had come together at exactly the right time.  With both of our issues being discussed and overcome, what followed over the next couple of days was a thing of beauty.  We would write each other long emails two to three times a day and would talk on the phone whenever Stacy could call out for her fifteen minute conversations.  Even though we hadn’t put a title on it, I began to feel less like waiting until Stacy got home to ask her to be my girlfriend and more like asking her right then…

From: Hart Stephen E SRA

Sent: Tuesday, March 14, 2006 3:40 AM

To: Morey Stacy L SSgt

Subject: You're incredible

Stacy,

Hey honey! If you do one more perfect thing I am going to fly out THERE to be with you.  I had to wait until my class left before I could read your last email.  My smile was so big I couldn’t hide it in front of my students.  Did I tell you I have a SSgt in my class.  She is such an idiot!  She doesn’t pull her rank on me, but she gets pissed when I call SSgt Beechum, Andy and such.  It’s stupid.  I knew Andy before I got down to QTP and we have hung out a couple of times… etc.  But, even her bad attitude can’t bring me down when I get my emails from you.  Which reminds me of my favorite subject…..you.

Here is my little Stacy story.  I remember when I had my first P.T. test here on base.  You were there and you looked breath taking.  I remember being in total awe and amazement. You were either wearing a tank top, or something tight on your upper body, and shorts.  You have these beautiful long legs. Your entire body looked like God himself had sculpted it and placed you right where you stood.  I think I talked about seeing you there for a month straight.  Then, like a year later, we both end up on night shift.  I finally got to look in your eyes.  And you are right, eyes are so important.  When I was in tech school one of my buddies told me that a body is just a body, but eyes are the windows to our souls.  You have so much sincerity in your eyes.  I would purposely make a lot of eye contact with you just to see if I could get something from you.  I thought maybe if I looked deep enough I could see if somehow those eyes had a place for me.  Your lips…When I think about your day dream of cuddling on the couch and reading books (which we will definitely do) I envision randomly leaning toward you to give you the gentlest kisses on your soft lips.  

I do have a confession to make.  I caught myself calling you my girlfriend twice today.  Well it wasn’t like I was out yelling “STACY’S MY GIRLFRIEND!” in the middle of the QTP parking lot, but when I went to see the first shirt he asked me if I was married.  Then it just slipped out I said, “No, but I have a girlfriend” then that SSgt I have in my class was asking me if I own the house I am living in and I told her “No, but my girlfriend owns her house.” You really are always on my mind. I don’t know…it felt natural.  I really hope this isn’t scaring you, after reading it over it does sound a little crazy considering we haven’t made any official decision on what this is.  So, to fix that, I am going to go out on a limb and ask you if you want to be my girlfriend.

I don’t think of you any other way.  We plan on being together when you get back, and I am DEFINITELY not talking to ANYONE else until you get back.  Things are going so smooth; I don’t know what else to call this but a relationship…and the beginning of something fantastic.

Honestly let me know how you feel, I don’t want to mess up what we already have.  We will probably talk about this on the phone before you get this email.

I wrote the first half of this email at work then sent it to myself at home to finish.  But, before I got home.  Stacy called…

“Hey Sweetheart! I said, excited at the sound of her voice. 

“Hey babe! How are you?” She said upbeat as usual, but sounding a little rushed.

“I’m great now that I’m talking to you.  I miss you so much!”

“I miss you too. And I’d love to know how your day has been and what you’ve been up to, but there is something I really have to get off my chest.”

“Ok, go for it.” I responded, a little nervous.

“Can I just be real with you?”

“Sure babe…what’s on your mind?”

“I feel crazy for doing this,” she began, sounding somewhat nervous herself, “because I insisted I didn’t want to be in a relationship, but I don’t think we are meant to be JUST friends.  Would I be completely ridiculous to want to be exclusive with you?” 

Perhaps it was the short silence of me catching my breath, but she immediately started explaining herself.

“It’s just that I have this feeling and I can’t imagine myself with…”

“Stacy,” I quickly interrupted. “I want you and only you!  You aren’t crazy and you just made me that happiest man on this planet.  I’ve wanted to be your boyfriend since the first time I saw you some time ago.  I want to wait for you.” I was beyond myself with joy.  This was really happening. She felt the same way I did. “Wow, so is this it? Are you my…girlfriend?”

“YES! And you’ve just made me happier than I’ve been in a very long time.  This has to be right because I feel so at peace ya know?”

“I know exactly how you feel…the guys at the squadron are going to be sooo jealous!” I said with a laugh.  So this is the day we got together?  March thirteenth two-thousand six?”

“It’s March fourteenth over here.”

“So which one do we go with?”

“The fourteenth, that way if our anniversary is ever on a Friday it won’t fall on a Friday the thirteenth…and fourteen is my lucky number”

“Good point!” I said laughing again, “I think we both know that what we have is stronger than any superstition, but let’s make it the fourteenth just to be safe.”

We spent the rest of our time on the phone talking about how much we missed each other and how perfect it felt to finally be an official couple.  When I got home that night, I sat down at my computer and, with the new title of “Stacy Morey’s Boyfriend”, I continued my email.

I wrote the previous half of this email at work before our phone conversation.  Obviously we already discussed some of the stuff on it. The rest is in response to your last LONG email to me....which is the sweetest thing I have EVER read...literally.  The reason why it means so much is because it is coming from a person as incredible as you.

I can't wait to talk to you in the morning. I just got off the phone with you ten minutes ago and already I miss hearing your voice.  Let me ask you something, seriously....how perfect does this relationship feel?  I have no problem whatsoever calling you my girlfriend, like I said before, it actually feels quite natural and I am proud to say I am with you.  I'm glad we both feel the same way.  I don't care if anyone and everyone knows.  I still think this whole situation is unbelievable.  It really seems like a fairy tale.  All of the times in the past I would think about you I never imagined I would ever actually get the chance to be with you.  And, even though I still haven't physically been with you, spiritually I feel closer to you than I ever have. 

Side note - The fact that you can't wait to cook for me is awesome.  You must be perfect. Just so you know if you need any help cooking I can be your assistant and I am more than willing to do dishes :)

In the future: I see you coming home after a long day at work.  You're not tired, you're flat out exhausted.  When you get to your house you find my car in your drive way.  As you step into your house you see the kitchen table lit by two candles.  I am sitting at one side of the table and there is a place set across from me. "Go change babe, dinner is almost done", I say to you and give you a hug and a kiss. As you go to your room to change your realize there is no special occasion, no birthday, and no anniversary. With no complaints you come to the table and sit down. I made chicken and rice, and you smile at the fact that you could have made something so much better, but know that I tried.  As we enjoy our dinner I ask you about your day and you explain how exhausting it was and we enjoy each other's company. We finish eating, you thank me for the dinner and we clean up together. 

Baby I miss you so much, I could type here all day and I still wouldn't be able to convey how badly I want to see you and how much I think of you every day.

Dreaming of you, thinking of you,

Stephen Hart

One More for Love The Story: Chapter 25 - The Future of "Us"

“She chose me.” I thought in the early morning while lying in bed allowing myself the pleasure of reminiscence and wonder.  “Of all the men both overseas and in the states who Stacy could have chosen to share ‘this’ with; she chose me.” Because Stacy would not be returning from her deployment for another two months, I had plenty of time to consider where our relationship might be when she returned.  A thousand different ideas raced through my mind.  If we became a couple, what kind of couple would we be?  Would we be an inside joke kind of couple; laughing together at the story behind the pepper shaker while our friends looked at us like we’d lost our minds?  Would we be an affectionate couple; holding hands in line for a movie then cuddling together in the theater seats?  Would we be so in love that when we caught each other’s glance the hustle and noise of a chaotic world would fade to a blur and quiet to a muffle?  Or, better yet, maybe we’d be something better than anything I’d ever known.  What would people think when they saw us together?  I’m sure no one at the squadron had any idea that Stacy and I were talking.  They’d probably be completely jealous and try to convince Stacy that she should be with someone else, but our bond would be too strong to break.  What was the future of “us”?

There was another great benefit to anticipating Stacy’s home coming: MOTIVATION.  It was early March of 2006 and what had seemed like a five month winter was finally starting to surrender to the spring. I had been going to the gym with some consistency, but with only two months before Stacy would be home, I went into working out with a high octane “get-fit-for-Stacy” mentality.  On that morning, after I had sufficiently entertained all possible Stacy and Steve scenarios; I got out of bed, threw on my t-shirt and sweat pants, jumped in my car, and headed for the gym. 

Something about driving alone in my car often produced some of my clearest and most level headed thoughts and that morning was no exception. Although it was a short drive from my house to the gym, it was still enough time to bring to light two major issues between Stacy and I that I had been subconsciously overlooking in every one of my relationship considerations.  I could feel the recent charge of excitement slowly start to drain from my body as a long ignored reality began set in.  She was still a smoker and I was not a Christian. 

Often the topic of our flightline conversations, Stacy and I were fully aware that I could never be with a woman who smoked cigarettes and she could never be with a man who wasn’t a Christian.  Of everything I was willing to do to be with her, changing my religious position was not an option.  My family had been embarrassed and singled out in front of a church congregation when I was a young boy. In that experience I knew everything I needed to know about Christianity, the church, and the “rules” I ought not to break unless I wanted to be judged in the court of religious conformity.   No thanks.  I was the only thing I needed to believe in and as far as I could remember, I had never let me down.  My distaste for smoking was a separate issue.  I actually wondered on more than a few occasions whether I might be allergic to cigarette smoke.  I had dated a few girls who were smokers and the smell of the smoke in their hair and on their clothes was so bothersome that it prevented our relationship from ever getting past the first couple of dates.  I know it might sound strange, but what was even worse, was when I began to envision myself having a long term future with a girl who smoked.  For some reason or another, I couldn’t shake the idea of losing her early in our marriage because of cancer or other cigarette related diseases. Unfortunately, this was a deal breaker. 

As I pulled up to the gym with motivation at a new low, I sat in my car and tried to understand why I had so hopelessly pursued Stacy knowing she was a smoker and why she had emailed me knowing I wasn’t a Christian.  I knew love didn’t always make sense, but this was...

The ringing of my cell phone interrupted my thought.  I recognized the Air Force base operator’s line and knew it was either work going through new lengths to call me in or it was Stacy Morey. 

“Hello?” I answered, cautiously hoping Bobby’s voice wouldn’t be on the other line.

“Hey Steve, it’s Stacy!” She said.  The excitement in her voice immediately brought back a rush of energy that pushed our difference aside.

“Hey Stacy!  I was hoping it was you.”  I said with a smile on my face like a boy with a new high school crush.

“How are you?  After all of this emailing back and forth, it’s good to finally hear your voice.”

“I was just thinking the same thing.”  I said, taking in every word.

“How have you been?  What are you up to?” 

“I’ve been better lately than I had been in a very long time.  I’m outside the gym right now about to go work out.”

“Oh, do you want me to let you go?” She is said, sounding completely genuine.

“Of course not!” I said, laughing and then fading into a more serious tone.  “I’d rather spend the next fifteen minutes talking to you than doing anything else.”

“Me too.” She said softly. “I’ve been thinking about you, well us, a lot lately.”

“Me too.” I said, as a familiar peace came over me.

“I know we don’t have a lot of time, so I’d like to ask you something while I know we have enough time to talk about it.”

“Sure, what’s up?” I asked, a little nervous.

“What is this…between us?”

I paused for a moment and then said, “I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately.  I know we are both out of terrible relationships, but when I think of us all I know is this: Right now, I don’t want to think about anyone but you.  I don’t want to date anyone here, or even entertain the thought of pursuing a relationship with anybody else until we find out what this is.”

“I feel the same way.” She responded. “I don’t want to date anyone else either.  Let’s just take this time away to focus on each other and see where this thing goes.”

It was exactly what I wanted to hear.  But the excitement I thought I’d feel was overcome by our two issues that had somehow made their way back into the forefront of my mind.  Finding out that Stacy felt the same way I did made it even more pressing that the questions be answered before either of us began to invest in each other.

“That sounds great.” I said, hoping my nervousness wasn’t coming through in my voice. “But, before we go any further, there is a question I have to ask.”

One More For Love The Story: Chapter 24 - Peace

“Steve,

I am actually at a loss for words right now and don’t know how best to organize my thoughts. Your email made my day, to say the least, and I couldn’t be more excited to get home and have our very first “more than a bbq” date.  Everything with you is so natural and I think I have had a permanent smile on my face since the day we reconnected over here. I know it has only been a short time since me and Chris broke up and my desire to live out my new found freedom has only just begun, but I can’t shake this feeling. This brings me to a very important topic…

US: It’s true that when I used to look around at roll call and see you standing in formation that I was absolutely pumped. Our conversations on the flightline have always made my nights go by so fast and something to look forward to on my ride into work.  I did briefly wonder what it would be like to be with you and quickly dismissed the idea because of my situation. Still, our friendship has always been so much fun. You are definitely one person I have always confided in at work and even now with everything that is going on with my house, I turn to you first. I think that speaks for itself, but the one thing you can’t see that you should know about is how I feel now. I am pretty sure there is an extra skip to my step these days and my friend Sharla gets to hear about you a lot lately. I don’t know what *this* is between us, but I know it feels right so I am just going with it.  My heart is at peace for the first time in my life and I haven’t ever felt this much joy.

Counting the days until our date and wishing you were here,


Stacy"

Peace would describe it best.  After years of confusion and wonder why my heart sought something it so plainly could not have; here it was and peace came upon me like a deep breath and a long exhale.  I felt some excitement and happiness at seeing a beginning to the “US” Stacy had so sweetly referred to. But, when the excitement settled and I let myself internalize the entirety of that moment, there was a relief to finally be where I always felt I had belonged.

Though peace was not what I expected, it certainly made sense. The single life was never for me and it had always felt like a constant grind.  It was exhausting to meet someone new, hope she’d become someone she never could be, then still find myself disappointed when she turned out to be exactly who I thought she was.   This emotional cycle of consistent let down had toughened my heart to a state of dating apathy. It could only be revived by satisfying the expectation that only one woman could ever meet.  This email was a relief because if Stacy was feeling the same peace I was feeling then…the search was over.  A void the size of a swimming pool that had only felt drips from a faucet was finally met with a waterfall.

I knew I hadn’t told her I loved her or put a title to it yet, but I also knew that titles and words could be deceiving and foolish.  And, the way she made my heart calm and spirit come to rest was all the proof I needed to know this was real.  I didn’t want anyone else, I didn’t want anything else, but to let her know that I wanted her and her alone and I would wait for twelve months of deployment if it meant I could hold her when she came back home.

************************************************************************************

I was walking from my car to the gym the following day when I got a phone call from Stacy. I smiled softly to myself and felt a gentle warmth in my heart; confident in every word I was about to say.

One More for Love The Story: Chapter 23 - Here Goes Everything

“Stacy,

I could start this email by telling you what I’ve been doing, how my new job is going, and how I am also glad we have reconnected.  But, I’d rather tell you about a feeling that I can’t ignore. A feeling that has come as calm as a cool breeze passing on a warm summer day and as strong as a raging tornado thrashing past me in concentrated chaos leaving me lost and breathless.  A feeling that has writhed within me to the beat of my pulsing heart beginning the day I first saw you three years ago.

I laugh at it now. How foolish I must have looked when your beauty froze me in place like a man caught in Medusa’s gaze.  I stood there mesmerized, taking in your every movement in disbelief that someone that breath taking could possibly exist amidst such chaos. Yet, there you were.  The busyness of the world blurred around you like water color spilled on canvas and in the center was only you in full focus radiating with vibrant splendor.

And now you ask if I’d like a date as if I could ever say no.  I can no better deny my feelings for you than Atlas can shrug the world from his shoulders; than the earth can stop revolving round the sun; than a heart can be apart from its one true love.   A date to start, but in truth I desire so much more.  I’m scared to mention what I might be feeling; afraid you might not feel the same, but if I were to be cautious you’d never know that I…”

Somewhere between the back of my mind and the front of my heart floated this email.  Indeed, the filter was off, but I don’t think we were quite at the point of me confessing my undying love.  Instead of completely breaking down the dam and flooding the city, I decided to tip the glass and let some water on the table. Here’s how the email actually went:

“Stacy,

Wow…a lot was said in your last email.  And, I have to say, it is a relief to hear that you are ‘interested in more than just a bbq date’ when you get back to the states.  The truth of the matter is that I’m not interested in just a bbq date either, but I wasn’t sure where you were in recovering from your break up with Chris.  I didn’t want to intrude on the ‘new you’ experience you are having overseas by complicating our friendship with my feelings.  I was completely content on letting you be you, attending a few friendly bbqs upon your return, and then slowly working my way into the topic of us.  But, since you broke the ice, here it is.

I’ve been attracted to you since the first time I saw you three years ago.  On my first day at the squadron, you sat across from me on one of the trucks and I eaves dropped on a conversation you were having about submitting an audition tape for the show ‘Survivor’. I was immediately taken by your delicate balance of beauty, drive, and intelligence.  You were married then and went on to date Chris while I was with Melissa. I never said anything because I didn’t want to start something between us by intentionally breaking up our relationships…no matter how trying they were at times.  Well that and I was pretty sure you were way out of my league ;). 

I don’t mean to be overbearing or presumptuous with my response, but only to let you know that as much as I have enjoyed our relationship, I’ve always hoped that if we both felt that there was enough between us, we could at least give us a try.

So, I look forward to our more than a bbq date…

Stay safe out there!

Hope to talk to you soon,

Steve”

Here goes everything… SEND.    

One More For Love The Story: Chapter 22 - Forget the Odds

Around the time I had the phone conversation with Stacy, I also started a new job as a technical training instructor. This meant, after serving nearly three years in the military on grave shift; I was finally an a day shift, Monday through Friday, with weekends and holidays off.  It was a huge upgrade. I had my own classroom, my own computer, a consistent schedule, and most importantly regular email access.

After our conversation, Stacy and I continued to chat via email once or twice a day.  We’d write about stuff that was going on in each other’s lives and laugh at how crazy we were for staying in relationships that we knew were not going to work out.  We supported each other too. For example, a few weeks after the initial phone call, on March 4^th, (Stacy’s birthday) I sent her a happy birthday email.  Then, three days later, she returned the favor on my birthday.  She would tell me how much she was enjoying having time to herself and rediscovering who she really was and I would tell her how much I enjoyed my new job and working in a more professional atmosphere.  We’d sometimes talk about her “Welcome Home” barbecue, and how cool it was going to be to get to hang out together away from work. Or we’d make up silly stories about how hard it would be to ride a one humped camel, why The Lion King was the best animated film on the planet, and what it was going to be like to see each other in an outfit other than our Air Force uniforms.  We wrote back and forth about music, movies, favorite foods or anything else we could think of. And, in just a few weeks of reconnecting, our conversations felt completely natural and were at the point of feeling how they used to feel when Stacy and I would work together on the same shift. It was good to have her back.

Our friendship was back and rolling along fine, until one day when everything changed.  I came into work with my usual expectations of hearing about Stacy’s deployment escapades when I found the following email in my inbox:

"Hey you!

This day has been super crazy and so I probably won't have time to write my long winded emails to you like normal :-) I have been dealing with some backlash from Chris. Apparently he is still watching my house and has had dogs and other women in and out. Not to mention he painted one wall of my bedroom poop brown! Fun times!

Aside from that, life over here has been pretty darn good...great actually! I am especially glad to have reconnected with you even if it is over email. I am sad that when I get back, we won't be working together, but at least we can hang out off duty now.

Speaking of us hanging out...I am hesitant to mention anything, but I have always been the type to wear my heart on my sleeve (even to a fault at times). I just wanted to let you know that I have felt an amazing connection since the day I called you. I don't know how to explain it, but basically I would like to see if you would be interested in more than just a bbq date when I get back to the states.

Dang! I just threw myself out there didn't I? Lol! Well, I will probably be nervous as all heck waiting to hear back from you, but I had a feeling I couldn't ignore.

I hope you have a fantastic day, but for now I am going to bed (It is 11:00pm over here).

No regrets,

Stacy"

“More than just a bbq date?”  When I read this statement it immediately sent a fast moving rush throughout my body and brought two thoughts concurrently crashing into my mind. 

Thought 1: What else could this phrase mean?  I knew enough about communication to know that a majority of the information exchanged between two people is perceived through body language and tone of voice.  Neither of which can be derived from an email.  So, I contemplated what else this may have meant and came up with the following possibilities:

A)    To be more than just a bbq date meant that we would be eating more than just barbecue…I’d bring Chinese food.

B)    To be more than just a bbq date meant to be more than friends which meant to be BEST friends.  Consequently sinking me deeper into the “Friend Zone”.

C)    To be more than just a bbq date means to be more than friends which means to co-sign on a loan.  More than friends; business partners.

D)    To be more than just a bbq date meant she might actually like me in the same way that I liked her and she wanted to go on a date between just her and I. 

Given the available options, by my estimation, the last one was the most likely.  I was starting to feel a tingling on my skin and an excited fluttering in my stomach. 

Thought 2: The odds.  The odds were completely against the possibility that Stacy might actually like me.  She had made hundreds of guy friends on the flightline who I’m sure would have done anything to have a chance to be with her.  Bring in the fact that she was the most beautiful woman on the base and on her deployment and, if I was in Vegas, I’d bet against me. The probability was nearly non-existent that she would actually have a feeling for the little guy who was afraid to go out to an airplane on his first day on the job. 

I reread the email a number of times.  Until, finally, a third thought came to mind.

Thought 3: The odds part 2.  Forget the odds.  The fact was that Stacy was going to eventually end up with someone.  No matter who that someone was, that person would have overcome the odds.  And, if it could have been anybody, why not me? 

The truth was that our relationship wasn’t about numbers; it was about a connection.  Nothing felt as soothing and sincere as my conversations with Stacy.  She could make me smile and I could make her laugh.  She was everything I wanted in a girlfriend and surpassed every expectation I’d ever had.  She was open, caring, and supportive and when I was with her…so was I.  I was a better person with her in my life and I had to think that just maybe she was better when I was in hers.

That morning I decided to go all in.  I sat down in front of my computer, filter out the window, fingers on the keyboard, and wrote Stacy the following email:

One More for Love The Story: Chapter 21 - Heart Attack

“Hey Stacy!” I said, trying to sound happy, but not too excited. “I was hoping you would call back. Sorry I missed your first call.  You were right on it; I saw the number from base and let it go to voicemail.  How have you been? How’s the deployment?”

“Hi! Oh. My. Gosh! The deployment has been so much fun - amazing actually.”  She was excited with the same soft yet confident voice that I had remembered.  “I totally needed to get away from home, as is apparent by the realization that my idiot boyfriend was cheating on me. It is hot as stink and we work twelve hour shifts six days a week, but I have met an amazing friend named Sarah. We have been hanging out every day since she got here and it has been almost a vacation for me.   I am incredibly annoyed by a five-hundred dollar phone bill and the fact that Chris has the keys to my new home and that I stayed with such a loser for so long, but other than that I am great!”

There it was; the final confirmation that this phone call was officially on uncharted waters.  Stacy and I had developed a strong friendship, but now a new variable swam steady within our conversation…opportunity.  One good thing about my time on the dating scene was that I had learned the value of patience.  My best shot of having any type of relationship with Stacy was to keep in contact for the remaining months of her deployment then slowly work my way into a couple of dates once she returned.  Normally, I would have been worried about another guy moving in (which was still likely), but because deployments consist of all types of people from bases across the globe, they are not the ideal platform for launching a long term relationship.

“That’s awesome!” I responded.  “So glad to hear the deployment is going well, but how on earth did Chris charge up a five-hundred dollar phone bill?  And he has the keys to your house?  Oh, and don’t feel alone on sticking it out with a cheater-slash-loser.  I found out Melissa was cheating on me on Christmas Eve and we’ve been donso ever since.”

It was funny to think of the hours we’d spent at work on the flightline venting our relationship woes in tones of despair.  Then there we were, discussing Chris and Melissa again, only this time with relief and excitement. 

“Yeah, Chris told me all about you and Melissa.” Stacy continued, “I have decided that Chris is either a complete idiot or he wanted to get caught. We have a family share plan on my phone because he didn't have a phone and it would be impossible to get a hold of him. I asked him to continue paying the bills for me while I was gone and left him with several checks written out to the phone company with the general amount it would be. He has been acting a little weird each time I’ve talked to him since I left the states so I decided to go online and look up my phone bill. I saw that it was five-hundred dollars because of all of these Maryland and Louisiana numbers he was calling. So in my crazy investigative way I called the Maryland one because it was the most frequently dialed number and his girlfriend picked up…She was really nice and surprised to hear that we were still dating. Apparently we broke up prior to my deployment.”

It still seemed incredible that someone could be with Stacy Morey and want to date other women.  Who else did he think was out there?  Yet, it was hard for me to feel sorry for the guy because his loss stood to potentially be my gain.  I could feel my heart rate start to rev up like a dragster waiting for the green light as I let the thought of possibly being with Stacy enter my mind.  All of the sudden, my plan of playing it cool until Stacy returned to the states was turning into my plan of completely unloading how I felt right then and there. Somehow I was able to refocus, reel it back in and continue to act like I had no expectations beyond casual conversation…close call.

“Wow…that’s crazy, but I’m not all that surprised.” I responded; cool as a penguin with his hat on backward. “I saw him at a bar a few weeks ago with a couple of girls who he seemed to be very friendly with.  Hey, maybe him and Melissa will meet up in a bar somewhere and be PERFECT for each other.”  She laughed softly…man I’m cool. “Anyhow, it looks like it’s the single life for us.  What are you going to do with your new found freedom?”

This was an important question.  There was a good chance that Stacy was really hurt by the break up, was hiding it by joking around, and had no intention of dating anyone for a long time.  Also, she may already have someone in mind who she wanted to pursue.   

“I am soo excited to be single and free. I feel like a new person and I love that I don't have to ‘answer’ to anyone. I can't wait to get home to my new house and decorate and do my own thing and I am done with relationships for a while.  Whenever I get back, we should hang out. I think a celebration barbecue is in order for the both of us. The funny thing is that I am so happy this relationship is FINALLY over with. It feels really good to be talking to you about it. Ya know?”

Based on this response, I started to doubt my plan.  My mind was convinced that the logical thing to do, based on my past experiences, was to wait out the next three months of her deployment, talk to her periodically, then skillfully work myself into a first date at the barbecue.  But my heart was telling me; “spill it Steve!  Tell her how you lie awake some nights thinking of what it would be like to be with her.  Or how she put you in an upright coma the first time you saw her.  The bridle’s off this pony now don’t hold back!  Tell her how you have been trying to meet someone just like her, but have failed to find anyone who could even enter the discussion of comparing to her.  Tell her you think you love her.”

Wait, did I love her?  The thought that had been lingering in my subconscious for over a year had finally come to the surface setting my logic and emotion into a chaotic frenzy, I somehow managed to gather myself and put together a coherent response.         

“I know exactly how you feel.  It makes me wonder why I stayed with someone I was unhappy with for so long.  Just goes to show that just because there isn’t a ‘good reason’ to break up, doesn’t mean two people should stay together.  Being unhappy is reason enough.  I’m definitely down to barbecue. You can count on me and the boys being there when you get back.”

“Is that what you really wanted to say?”, my heart started in again. “Your ‘unhappiness is a reason enough to break-up’ philosophy?  Really?  You’re on the phone with the woman of your dreams and this is your conversation?  Lay it all on the line!  Tell her you...”

 “You have one minute remaining.” Interrupted the phone operator in an automated female voice.

“Operator?  Who invited this chick? One minute we’re gonna have to make this quick.” My heart chimed in with one final push.

“Well, I guess I have to go.” Said Stacy, clearly familiar with the one minute count down. “It was awesome to be able to talk to you. I couldn't wait another three months to tell you the news because the whole crazy story was just TOO good not to share. I can't wait to hang out whenever I get back home.”

“Yeah, keep me updated with your barbecue plans.” I said, feeling rushed.

“Barbecue plans? Unbelievable.” Said my heart, disappointed in my cowardice.

“I will.  Take care.”

“Ok, bye.”

I guess I wasn’t quite “cool” enough to play it cool…it was time for a new plan.

One More for Love The Story: Chapter 20 - Voicemail

A few days after I received the email from Stacy I found myself at my house on the internet looking up computer parts with Will.  Will was a computer buff and had mentored me in the ways of conquering numerous computer problems throughout our friendship.  Because I was in need of replacing my ancient, two-year-old, outdated Dell, Will and I decided that he would teach me how to build my new one piece by piece.  When this super powered technological monstrosity was finished, it would be aptly named: Frankenstein Computer.  We were early in the process and, on this particular day, were making the important comparison between the prices and functionality of two computer towers that would serve as the housing for all future components...I was really into it. 

I have a habit of becoming completely captivated by projects like this.  There is something about learning a new skill and creating something from scratch that occupies my mind to a point close to obsession.  When I get in those moments, there is very little that can break through my tunnel of concentration and interest.  Because I know this about myself, I consider it a near miracle that I even heard my cell phone at all that afternoon.  However, amidst all the excitement of a new venture, I recognized the tune of Fallout Boy’s “Sugar, We’re Goin’ Down” buzzing away in the corner of Will’s room.  With a majority of my focus still on the decision at hand, I picked up my phone and took a glance down at the incoming number; it was from work.  All of the phone numbers from the Air Force base started with the same three digits. Which meant, thanks to caller ID, I could ignore the call completely, let it go to voicemail, hope they called somebody else in to pick-up the slack, and promise to answer if they happened to call again.  I went back to the computer screen with Will as he had just found a tower that would allow for better airflow at a cheaper price. 

“That’s the one Will.” I said, excited about our discovery, and gave him the go-ahead to purchase.  Just as we began filling out the order information, I heard the familiar melody of a new voicemail alert.  The ruse was going as planned.  Will and I went on to complete the order and, as we waited for the conformation code to hit my email, I decided to check the message to gauge the probability that I would be receiving a second call thus forcing me to make good on my promise.  As I listened in anticipation for the unwarranted sense of urgency, I was surprised to hear the following message:
         

“Hey Steve, this is Stacy Morey.  I was calling to see how you are doing and to hear how everything went down with you and Melissa.  I heard some of it from Chris, but…well that’s another story. I know you probably didn’t answer because you recognized the base number. While I am over here, I have to connect through the base operator. Just so you know, I’ve only got fifteen minutes of phone time twice a week so I’ll try to catch up with you again another time.  Take care!”

“The email is in and you’re order is on it’s way!” Will said, then swiveled his seat around to see me sitting on his bed with the phone to my ear, eyes as big as baseballs, and my jaw nearly touching my chest. “Dude, what’s up?” He asked, timid and unsure of what type of response he might get.  “Do you have to go into work?”

“Will” I said, slowly setting the phone down beside me.  “That was Stacy Morey.” 

"No it wasn’t.” He said, not enjoying the assumed sarcasm. 

 “Dude, that was STACY freakin’ MOREY!”  I responded and started pacing across the room.  “That was Stacy Morey and I blew it man.  She only gets two calls a week, she chose to call me, and I didn’t answer.  This is totally karma.” I looked up at him for conformation; he met me with a confused look. “I am being punished in the most twisted and sinister way for trying to avoid being called into work.  I totally messed this up!”

“Steve,” Will began, trying to calm me down, “If she called you once, she’ll call you again.”

“But what if I’m at work?  She gets two fifteen minute calls a WEEK.  I can’t have a good conversation at work and I’m sure she has plenty of other people to talk to. She’s deployed for crying out loud!  Her family and friends are probably worried about her and look forward to the phone call that assures her safety.  And Stacy, knowing all of this, still decided to use one of her fifteen minutes today to call me and I let it go to voicemail.  Cruel, irreversible, voicemail. Let’s call this how it is, Will” I stopped pacing and looked at Will still sitting in his computer chair, now giving me a peculiar smile. “I’m putz man, a total putz.” I ended, returning the glance.

“Don’t stress over it bro.” He was still smiling and stood up to pat me on the shoulder, “Many a man has lost a woman because of the lure of computer towers and processors.”  He said in laughter, clearly unsympathetic to my dire predicament.

“A woman Will? A woman?” I responded, shrugging his hand from my shoulder and returning to my amble deliberation. His attempt at getting me more wound up was a resounding success. “If this was just A woman do you think I would be acting like this? No! This is THE woman Will and THE woman is single and I am single and we could be THE couple.”

“Ok, first; don’t say THE  like that again.  You sound like your reciting and Old English poem.  Second, if it’s meant to happen it will happen.  Don’t stress about it now.”

I didn’t have time to decipher whether or not Will’s advice was sound.  I had to figure out a way to contact Stacy fast so she knew I wasn’t purposely ignoring her.

“Email!” I said, thinking aloud and startling Will with how impertinent this response was.  “I have her email address at work.  I could just drive down there, log in real quick, and send her an email explaining the whole situation.  She said it herself that she knew I probably didn’t answer because of the base number on the caller ID.  All I would need to do is confirm her assumption.”

“You’re gonna look desperate.” Said Will, and as soon as those words left his mouth, I heard a familiar sound.

 

            “We’re goin’ down, down in an earlier round”

I grabbed my cell phone from Will’s bed.  It was a number from the Air Force base.

 

            “Sugar we’re goin’ down swingin’”

There was a better than average chance that this was purely a coincidence and work would be on the other end of that phone call with an order to come in that would demolish my carefully thought out weekend plans.

            “I’m your number one with a bullet”

Worth it.

“Hello?” I said, saving the call from the unforgiving depths of voicemail.

 
“Hey Steve? It’s Stacy.”

One More for Love The Story: Chapter 19 - Back to Life

Stacy could have been anywhere from Alaska to Egypt.  I had no idea where she had been deployed to and when I found out she left without saying goodbye, I made a distinct separation between what I probably meant to her and what she meant to me.  To her, I figured, I was that person who could carry on a conversation and help her pass the time during those long nights on the flightline.  She would probably return from her deployment a different person than she was when left, on a shift opposite mine, and the extent of our friendship would settle into small talk during shift turnover.  To her, the best of our relationship was behind us.  To me, she was the memory of a person who no one else could live up to.  The experience of getting to know Stacy had shaped my expectations of every woman I would have dated from the time she left until I found someone just like her.  Geographically and emotionally, it felt like we couldn’t have been any farther apart…until I saw her email in my inbox.

Just looking at the email sitting there unopened brought back a connection that had been lost in a departure too sudden for goodbyes and seemed too distant to overcome.  Even the subject line: “I thought you might be interested” read like the beginning of hundreds of late night conversations we’d enjoyed while riding in the blue bread truck traveling from plane to plane.  The simple fact that it was from her to me told me that somewhere in the busyness of the deployment and mission demands she had a thought of me.  A thought that opened lines of communication and gave life to a friendship that had nearly withered away.  When I opened the email it read as follows:

     

Steve,

I thought you’d be interested to know that Chris has been cheating on me!  It turns out he wasn’t so smart.  What intelligent person would use the family phone plan to use $500 worth of minutes to call their girlfriends?  Yep!  That’s right…more than one girl.  So on that note, I’m pretty much done with men. I thought you would be most interested because Chris told me a few months ago what Melissa had done to you. Looking forward to the single life, throwing bbq’s at my new house, and not being miserable.  Maybe when I get back you, Kevin, Will, Smitty and some of my other friends could come over to my house for a summer get together?? 

 Hope you have a good week!

Stacy

I read the email again…then again just to be sure I got it right…then again for good measure…Ok, I think I got it, in summary: STACY WAS SINGLE!  I knew I had precious moments to craft an email response.  First, I was two minutes away from being late for roll call.  Second, the window of opportunity is insanely small for a woman of this stature.  Deployed or not, Stacy had climbed the charts to the most incredible woman I’d ever met and I wasn’t going to take the chance of putting off this email and letting another Bollard come along and charm her into his arms.  My response had to tell her I was interested in hanging out, wanted to hear more about her break up, and didn’t let on how excited I was to hear that she was single…and I had about one minute to write it.

Stacy,

       What???? That’s crazy!  I don’t know what your phone situation is like, but if you can call, I would love to trade full stories of Chris and Melissa’s final acts of ignorance.  BBQ sounds cool.  Are you planning on throwing like a “welcome home/house warming” party for yourself? When do you get back any way? I’ll talk to Kevin, Will, and Smitty, but there shouldn’t be any reason why we wouldn’t be there.  

Take care and hope to hear from you soon!

Steve

302-555-4689

It was close, but after sending the email I made it to roll call on time.  I checked in, got my aircraft assignment, and headed toward the flightline.  Then, for the rest of the night, while my body was at Dover Air Force Base; my mind was on that email.

The entire time I’d known Stacy, this was the first time that there was even the smallest of possibilities that I could ask her out on a date or even realistically pursue her as a dating prospect.  I knew with the length of time Stacy and I had been friends that I ran an all too real risk of being caught in the “friend zone”.  That is, because Stacy and I had been friends for such a long time, we may have gotten to the point where she saw me as too close of a friend to risk ruining our great friendship by stepping into a relationship that might not workout.  At first glance, I thought the email itself could have been taken as a message sent to a friend who might understand what she was going through.  I knew this was a good possibility, but for some reason it felt like something more. 

That night, when I found myself alone on an airplane waiting for the truck to bring by a replacement part, I sat down in the pilot’s seat and tried to put myself back into a time when Stacy was still there.  I went back to when I first I saw her and remembered being completely mesmerized by her beauty.  I remembered our first conversation and how nervous I was to approach her and Airman York.  I thought back to when she told me that she had told Bollard that she thought I was “intellectually attractive” and how I tried for hours to decipher if there was anything revealing I could get from that compliment.  I reflected on our endless conversations that made twelve hour shifts fly by in mere minutes. I remembered the emotional rush of finding out she was going to be working on my shift and the betrayal I felt when I found out she was gone.  When the truck finally pulled up with the part I had been waiting for, I got out of the seat, stepped off of the plane and wondered if Stacy had been remembering me when she wrote me that email.

One More for Love The Story: Chapter 18- The Stacy Standard

It was in early March 2006 when I found myself venting my single-life frustrations to my roommate Will Paxton.  We had a while before we had to leave for work, so I thought this was a perfect opportunity to present to Will my new outlook on dating.

“Stacy Morey is the new standard,” I said, as he sat back on the couch watching me pace back and forth across the living room floor.  

“Ok, explain.” He responded.

Will was a great friend.  After Melissa and I broke up, Kevin, Smitty, and I were searching for another person to split rent in a beautiful four bedroom home in Dover and Will was the first person I asked. He was one of the most intelligent people I’d ever met.  He had worked on the flight line with Stacy for a short time and was still working on the line with me.  He was a gifted mechanic and excellent troubleshooter, but working on airplanes clearly wasn’t his place in life. One day he would be rebuilding a computer in his bedroom and another he would be discussing ethics in politics and business strategy.  His problem wasn’t whether or not he would succeed, it was what different profession he would choose to succeed in.  I looked forward to our conversations as he was also a great listener and gave really good input. 

“It’s simple.  She’s gorgeous. That’s not even debatable.” I stopped and looked at Will to assure I wasn’t kidding about this well known and obvious fact.  “She’s got herself together.”  I continued pacing. “She’s finished her bachelor’s degree which means she’s driven and accomplishes goals she sets out to complete.  She’s responsible.  She just bought a house as an investment property as a single Staff Sergeant.”

“I agree; she’s really got her stuff together.” Said Will.

“But do you know what draws me most to the Stacy Morey Standard?”

“What’s that?”

“She isn’t annoying!”

I was having a tough time transitioning back into the single life. At first, I tried dating a girl I met on Myspace.  We went out a couple of times, but I found out the hard way that some girls on Myspace who have a lot of friends online, well they have a lot of friends and I was just one of many.  I tried dating an Air Force girl, hoping that some of the qualities I admired in Stacy would somehow exist in her because they shared the same enlisted status.  It only took a few dates before our relationship came to a halt when she let some racist terms slip and didn’t understand why I was making such a big deal about it. 

“So she’s the standard.” Will responded.  “She is that by which all other girls must be compared to, live up to, and held accountable to emulate?”

“Precisely!” I said. 

“You do know the only person who can live up to your expectation is Stacy, right?”

“Yes.” I responded, frustrated.  “Chris Bollard doesn’t even know what he has.”  Will nodded in agreement as he knew exactly what I was talking about.

One night in early February, Smitty and I went out to one of the local Dover bars.  We arrived  later in the night and were sitting at the bar having our usual debate over who would win if the University of Southern California and the University of Nebraska played for a college football national championship.  About thirty minutes into our debate, Chris Bollard walked through the front door with a girl from work and another girl who I didn’t know.  He noticed me immediately and made sure to come over and assure me that he and the two girls were just friends.  Which was interesting because by the end of the night he had danced intertwined amongst his two friends and a few other ladies in a way that felt a lot more strip club than it did a local bar.  I came back home that night more frustrated and angry than I had been in a long time.

“If I was with Stacy, I’d never even consider going out to a bar with another woman.  How much of a loser do you have to be when you’re grinding on girls at the Dover dive while your girlfriend is deployed to the desert?” 

“Those are the breaks my friend.  Sometimes the jerk gets the great girl and we just have to live with it.  At least now you know what you’re looking for.”

“I guess you’re right,” I conceded and caught a glance at the clock.  “You ready to go?”

Will and I both liked to get to work early.  One of us would check out a tool box while the other would check his email, on the next day we’d switch.  On that night it was Will’s turn to get the box so I found an open computer in the break room and logged in to check my email.  At first, my inbox appeared to be full of the usual training due dates and squadron events. But, as I filtered through the familiar, I noticed one email from Stacy Morey; the subject line: I thought you might be interested…