Mom to Mom: An Honest Moment

Steve and I can clearly remember when we adopted our first dog from the SPCA. It was love at first sight when we locked eyes with those soft brown eyes of our terrier mix, Boo.  The decision to adopt him was an easy one. We eagerly filled out the adoption questionnaire and effortlessly answered most of the questions, but there was one question we both paused at: “Why do you want to adopt this pet?”  It was a silly question to us because there was an obvious answer, but still I was at a loss for words as I looked up at Steve searching for the exact explanation as to why we wanted to adopt Boo. And, as if he could read my heart, Steve simply said “to love him”.  It was a perfectly worded response and truthfully we didn’t understand there to be any other reason why someone would want to adopt a dog. To increase monthly expenses due to vet bills and dog food? Nothing else seemed right.

When it came time to adopt our second dog, our reason for adopting hadn’t changed: we wanted to love another. Still, there was a little worry and concern in my heart.  Could I divide my love? Would I have a favorite? Would I lose my time with Boo?  I had serious conversations with Steve as to who was still going to get to cuddle with Boo when we had two dogs. We were both so in love with him that we thought getting a second dog could possibly force us to divide our love evenly between the two. Although I knew it’s what we wanted, I was a bit reluctant when the day came and we made our way to the SPCA. That reluctance melted into pure joy the moment I picked up our tiny little pit bull-lab mix, Pisces, and instantly my love for him fell into place. Even after we got home, I realized it was a love that was natural and not divided. We simply had two perfectly cute furry kids to love.

I was reminded of this story last night when Steve and I were going to bed. Steve wanted to talk with Kellan in my belly and told him this same story. He told Kellan that just like we wanted to love another dog, we wanted to love another child. That there was no other reason why we were so excited to meet him - just the love that we know we will have for him. Then he told Kellan about his big sister Addisyn.  And as Steve spoke, I could feel the lump in my throat getting bigger and the tears beginning to build at the corners of my eyes. I love Addisyn so much and I love that she gets all of my attention right now when it is just me and her. I can’t imagine dividing that time and taking some of our moments away from her.  So my excitement, as is often the case, was replaced with a feeling of fear and worry.  I feel so un-motherly for even saying these words because I have blogged 1,037  times about how I know my love will multiply and not divide. The even sadder part is that I’ve mistaken this irrational fear for fear and  resentment that we are having a boy and not a girl, but I think it really comes down to this question: Can I love this child as much as I love Addisyn?  At this point I am sure there are at least a dozen mothers reading this that have felt the same way and a few of them have already reassured me that this is normal and that the love will be instantaneous the second I meet Kellan, but the gut feeling I have is still…doubt. It’s weird. I know! I pride myself on being an outwardly loving momma and maybe that is why this feeling is so hurtful and frustrating to me.  Still, it’s real. And so each day that goes by I try to find new ways to love my little girl…and my little boy.  Yesterday Addisyn and I folded all of baby Kellan’s clothes and organized a closet just for him. She was thrilled to be helping momma, and I was happy to see all the baby clothes we were collecting again. I’m imagining it happening all over again.  A tiny body that will fill those clothes and the coos and baby smells that will fill and multiply the love in our house once again. 

And today? well, today we danced! 

It's hard to show this in still photos, but she was dancing while cleaning...

while sucking her fingers...

and while trying on bunny ears.

The second move is her favorite pose. It's mine too :-) it's so Paso Doble!

She makes my heart melt! I'm one lucky momma.

With Love,

Stacy

Little Sprout | Ariana

I could not be more thrilled with how little Ariana's pictures turned out at 17 days new! She was such an angel while we moved her from pose to pose. I could have stayed there all day and waited for her to fall back asleep to get even more combinations of backgrounds, but I think the soft pink, the green/yellow combo, and the teal worked perfectly!  She is just gorgeous :-)

If you live in the DE, MD, VA, or DC areas and are expecting a little one, please be sure to contact me soon to set something up around your due date. They are only this little once :-)

Soaking It In

Okay, let’s just get real with each other. This blogging thing is hard when you’re pregnant. There is a massive decrease in motivation of all daily activities that combines itself with my brain vaulting all intelligent vocabulary for nine months.  All rational thought and behavior is replaced with an insane amount of tear duct juice and it is starting to be a bit ridiculous. The other day I cried while watching the last thirty minutes of Homeward Bound.  For the WHOLE THIRTY MINUTES! Shadow the dog fell in the mud pit by the railroad tracks and couldn’t get out after this crazy adventure through the wild and then his friends, Chance and Sassy, encouraged him to try to get out.  Chance and Sassy find their home and reunite with their owners, but Shadow hadn’t made it back…yet…until little Peter sees Shadow coming over the hill running to him, in slow motion mind you, and they embrace and roll all over the yard in deep emotion. C’mon!!!?  Cue open flood gates.

And while I am on the complain train…

I’m totally down for these hot summer days if it means daily trips to the pool and beach. BUT, this whole thing about being hot and pregnant with no refreshing bodies of water right outside my front door? It makes me want to hibernate in the a/c until I can step outside my door and be greeted by the pleasant autumn breeze.  I am a summer and autumn gal.  I never want to rush either of these seasons and I do a fairly good job of enjoying the moments they both bring me, but – in my pregnant state –  if we could fast forward to the cool crisp mornings and lukewarm afternoons, I swear I would jump off this summer sweat train.  Well, maybe…

There is still the fact that I am typing all of this laying flat on my back because sitting up means an uncomfortable pressure on my bladder and lungs. Whew. Okay, I think I am done. My whining takes on a whole new life form when I am pregnant. I can’t wait until I am back to the more energized me again. 

Here is the positive news. I have a baby in my belly!!! AND I am cherishing my sweet summer moments with my little girl. I am fully aware that our daily one-on-one time is coming to an end and I am holding on as tight as ever, making the most of our time together.  Even if it means I give in to an extra frozen yogurt pop request or watch one more rerun of Doc McStuffins while holding her; I’m soaking it all in.

The past few weeks we have been taking trips to the beach, finding quiet hidden spots and gathering with friends and family.

and just a little pool time for us...

Little Sprout | Jackson

I can't get over how cute this little man is. He is absolutely perfect - from his full head of hair all the way to those itty bitty toes. He was also a dream to work with. Once he fell asleep he was down for the count and I was able to practice a new pose I have always wanted to do. I am so in love with him, and I can totally say that because he is my best friend's baby. I can't wait to watch him grow up, but not yet, I want to soak in all that baby cuteness for as long as possible.