Thursday, February 23, 2012

Mom to Mom: A Love Letter

My Dear Sweet Addisyn,

I have started and erased this letter several times.  I knew I wanted to write you a letter, but have found myself wiping away words with the backspace key as if they weren’t meaningful enough to be in this letter. Then I would silently shake my head and start all over. I haven’t written you a letter in a long time, so I doubt this letter and these words will even come close to the best description of what I have learned in motherhood and in our relationship since the last time I wrote you, but I will try my best.

 Things are different. We communicate now and understand each other. Instead of making my heart melt by watching you discover new things, you make my heart melt by hearing from you as we go about our day. Yesterday, for example, we went to the park to take pictures.  In typical Addy fashion, you made me work for a good picture as you boast the most beautiful smile on the planet except when it’s time to get your picture taken.  After your mini photo-shoot, it was time for some exploration. We tiptoed up to ducks and a cat and whispered so not to scare them and then chased each other around the park.  A few times we saw things on the ground that you thought were a “ewww mess” and expressed your concern that the “kitty eat dat”. I reassured you that kitty would go home to eat his own dinner and you nodded your head understandingly as you quietly said, “kitty eat cereal”.  It was a handful of moments and words spoken between us that made my heart melt. 

 We share plenty of these days, but also have days when we are both exhausted and our communication is not in sync. I struggle a lot those days because it is emotionally draining to not understand why you are deliberately disobeying me or start crying every time you hear the word, “no”.  But, a few days ago I had a break through. We were both cuddling on the couch one morning (as we often do after your breakfast) and about ten minutes into the cuddle you climbed out of my lap and tugged on my arm until I got up. Then you slowly, and ever so cutely, walked me into the kitchen where you threw your hands into the air and said “up, up, up, up,” until I picked you up in my arms. I knew what was coming as soon as I noticed we were right in front of the candy cabinet and stopped you before you had the chance to ask. “No baby, you are not getting any candy.” Just like that, big crocodile tears formed in your eyes. I stuck my ground and walked you out of the kitchen telling you that you didn’t need any candy. As quickly as the tears formed, they disappeared and your attitude was back to normal.

 You see, it’s okay to discipline and it’s okay to say “no” to you because I love you and want the best for you. There are surely going to be times in your life when the word “no” will be like the death of Edward Cullen – devastating and heart wrenching  (don’t worry I will explain this analogy to you as you get older). I promise to raise you in a loving and safe home and that the times I choose to say “no” it’s because I know what is best for you. You are the single most precious thing in my life and I am doing my best to raise you to be a good person. Here is the catch love; the word “no” will never mean to stop talking to me. I know you won’t rebound as quickly as you do now from that word, but I am going to try my best to raise you to continue to talk to me and share things about your day even when we don’t see eye to eye. You talk a lot right now. I actually think you would win the award for the most words spoken by a two year old in a minute! I never want this openness of communication to change. I pray that as you get older our bond will only get stronger and that you can find safety in talking to me about your life. 

With all my love,





















*fav pics of the day :-)

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