What It's Like

For this week’s blog post, Steve and I each took on the question, “What is it like to be a mother/father?” Without any further guidance we split off to our respective computers and began to write…

What it’s like to be a mother…

When I was a teenager, I was asked to go on a family vacation with my friend Laura. I can remember that vacation like it was yesterday. It was one of the most relaxed times I have ever had. The vacation started in a quaint town called Ludington Michigan and ended on an island in the middle of the Muskoka Lakes in Ontario, Canada.  It was the only time I was totally unplugged in my life. We slept in a perfectly constructed yet simple cabin. There was no electricity, but it was meant to be that way. It was a place built to connect with family, nature and God and to disconnect with everything that weighed us down in the outside world.  There wasn’t a detail missed in it’s construction.  The front yard came to a cliff edge that faced West and around the perimeter of the yard sat a few Adirondack chairs that welcomed us all  to watch God’s perfectly created sun, set in an array of pinks, purples, orange, and yellows that splashed across the sky. Our nights were filled with conversations about love and our future as we stargazed on a hammock perfectly spread across the covered porch. We fell asleep to the sound of the lakes waters gently breaking over the rocks below. We took baths in the fresh water lake and enjoyed our days sailing across the waters. Our friendship grew tremendously on that trip and it was a time I speak of often and forever cherish.

 Laura and I have remained friends throughout the years and although distance has disabled us from seeing each other, we make the effort to stay in tuned to one another’s lives. Laura had her first baby Leah a couple years before Addisyn was born and while I was pregnant, Laura showered me with support. One day during work she emailed me and told me that the love that I would experience for Addisyn would be like no other love I have ever experienced. I kindly replied by saying that I couldn’t even imagine what kind of love she is referring to, because the love I shared with Steve was out of this world. It was heaven sent and it was all I needed or wanted to know. And my heart was so full it was bursting at the seams.  “Yes”, Laura responded, “but it’s a different kind of love.” I shared this email conversation with my husband. Almost as if I couldn’t believe she was telling me that I would love someone more than my husband. It wasn’t possible.

And several months later, I met her. After an induction, sixteen hours of labor, and two and a half hours of pushing, Addisyn was placed into my arms. And all the things that Laura told me were true. Addisyn made my heart bigger instantaneously and she became my inspiration in a single second.

Sometimes my friends ask me what it’s like being a mother. And today, my answer is this: Being a mother is like God perfectly constructed the most serene, peaceful, beautiful scene in my life and painted it on my heart for all time. No details were missed in the bond between Addisyn and me. To me, it’s sailing the waters, watching the sunset, stargazing, and falling asleep to the gentle sounds of the water breaking over the rocks below. It is the perfect recipe of the most peaceful time of my life and the love I couldn’t imagine, but have experienced every day of my life since January 5^th, 2010. That is what it’s like.

What it’s like to be a father

When Addy was still an infant, right around two months old, my buddy Gerald stopped by the house to meet my daughter and to see how Stacy and I were doing as new parents.   Gerald doesn’t have any kids and, after meeting Addy (she was sleeping), he asked me what it was like being a first time father.  I stood before him sleep deprived, stressed, probably a little delirious, and suggested to him the following exercise.       

“Gerald, when you get home I want you to grab your alarm clock and turn it up as loud as it goes.  Change the setting to the loud honking beeps; don’t cheat and use the radio.  After you have the volume maxed out, set the alarm for a minute past the current time.  Then, when it goes off, hold it against the side of your head for two hours.” 

I paused. I think I scared him.  I’m sure Gerald felt awkwardly conflicted between pitying me for having such a bleak outlook on parenting and wondering why he decided to stop by my house in the first place.

“Addy screams and cries, sometimes for no reason.  She wakes up every two hours and so do Stacy and me.  I feel like I haven’t slept in months, I get frustrated over nothing and everything, and I don’t know when it’s going to end.”

Now Gerald was getting obviously uncomfortable.  Poor guy, just wanted to stop by and hear “Parenting? Oh it’s great!  The baby’s a little angel!” and be on his way. 

“But I never want to let her go.”  He looked at me trying to understand.  “When she cries I want her to know that Daddy’s here and he always will be.  When she’s scared, I want to put her at ease.  With her I’ve found a love I’d never known and I can’t remember what life was like without her.”

If Gerald told me today (we’re still very close friends…no harm done from this encounter) that that was the most confusing conversations he has ever had, I would understand.  You just have no idea what it’s like to be a father until you are one.   

Before Addy was born, I will admit, I thought taking care of a child would be kind of like taking care of a new puppy.  She would sleep all night and most of the day.  We’d feed her and play with her when she was awake, and as long as she wasn’t hungry, hurt, and didn’t go poopy, there would be no crying.  Just Addy, Stacy, and I watching T.V. on the couch, reading bed time stories, and teaching her the ways of life until she was old enough to get around on her own.  Can any parents out there see a few problems with this line of thinking?  Well, I’m glad parenting didn’t turn out the way I had anticipated. If it did, I would have missed out on all the good stuff.

Addy is almost sixteen months old now.  There’s still screaming, crying, and sometimes she has diaper surprises that redefine the word “poopy”, but there is also oh so much more than could ever be experienced from the outside looking in.  Like how the three of us are woven together.  My daughter may have my eyes, my hair, and Stacy’s lips, but she also has half of each of our hearts.  She’s given us a love so abundant that it overflows our hearts and spills into our souls.  There’s a moment every day that leaves us wondering what we did to deserve such joy.  She gives our lives life and makes our family complete.

So what it’s like to be a father? To me, it like receiving a priceless gift, finding a daily joy, and experiencing a love unequaled.

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